iDeadpool
by emeralddusk
Summary: When a mysterious new guest arrives at the iCarly studio, things change forever. Rated T for language and violent content


iDeadpool

Dawning of Things to Come

_On a day that started like any other,...I arose from my slumber, embracing the coldness and at-the-same-time warmth of the world around me; the world I was forced into; the world I had lost the will to make my home..._

"Who the hell 'er you talking to?" Sam demanded, her patience growing short with the unwelcome guest.

"I'm monologuing, damn it," Deadpool _(That's me) _snarled, looking away from the world only he could see into. "Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself..."

_So, I was doing some charity work around Seattle, when a mysterious e-mail appeared on my computer._

Laying naked except for a red mask with white eyes circled by black on the couch, bathed in old pizza sauce and Chinese take-out, a lightly muscular man of indeterminate age snorted, then woke up from his dreams. Moaning and cracking his neck from side to side, the man turned to his computer.

_ I, Wade Wilson, being of legally insane mind and very tight (sexual-godly) body, answered the call of fate that day..._

"Porn, porn, porn, porn, porn," Wade mumbled to himself, scrolling through his e-mails. "Save the Turtles of Africa Foundation, porn, porn, porn. Oh, I haven't opened that one yet...Weapon X, Pay Your Damn Bills, porn, porn, porn, ah, here we go! 'You have one new message from...iCarly?' iCarly...hmm...nope, not ringin' a bell." Clicking on the link, Wade watched the screen before him explode with different colors, clickables, and videos. "Hey, this is kinda cool...Who the hell is Ginger Fox?! 'Kid's Choice Awards'...they kicked me outta that. Oh, I get it...they need a super star to make a guest appearance on their show. Oh, I am so there." Shutting his computer, Wade sprinted out the door of his apartment, slamming it behind him, and streaking down the hallway.

_So, like a leopard, I charged onward, blindly pursuing those innocent, unsuspecting children; bent on saving their webshow. I mean, I hope it's a webshow...I didn't get past the home page._

Leaping into a red car, Wade, now in his full Deadpool uniform, turned on the ignition and sped forward, never looking back. "Where 'er you going with my car?" a dark-haired man screamed, shaking his fist.

"Hang on, iCarly kids," Deadpool cried out, sticking his head out the window. "I'm coming!" Turning the radio up full blast, the dedicated mercenary listened to the drums of war sound; "I knew you were trouble when you walked in," Taylor Swift sang.

"Oh, yeah, baby," Wade boldly declared in a hushed voice, his eyes tightly clenched. "Light my fire." Taking a sharp right turn that took out a small street light, Deadpool sped towards a massive apartment plaza. Flooring the gas petal, his hands locked tightly at ten and two, the man watched the glass shatter, the siding crumble, and the decorative plants spill out onto the floor of the Bushwell lobby.

Leaping out from his seat at his desk, Lewbert, the door manager of the plaza dropped his jaw.

"Where are they?" Deadpool screamed, slamming the door of his stolen car and running at the wart-faced man. "Where are they?" Wade slammed Lewbert against his desk. "Where are the iCarly kids? Where are they?!" Thrusting his black-gloved fist into the man's cheek, Deadpool glared into his eyes with unbound intensity. "Where are they?" he snarled.

"Do you want a key?" Lewbert asked, his voice quivering.

Spencer lay asleep on the couch while the television displayed images of Girly Cow. A high-pitched "ding" sounded from the elevator as its doors parted to reveal...

_That's when I came into the picture...Deadpool!_

Walking over to the couch, the strange mutant flipped the frame upside down, dropping Spencer onto the floor. "Hey, what the..." the young man cried out, turning to the intruder in his house.

"Enough games, dead man," Deadpool growled, lifting Spencer up by his collar. "Now where are the iCarly kids?"

"What?" the brunette man stuttered.

"Don't play big, dumb son-of-a-bitch with me," Wade Wilson demanded. "I know you've got Carly, Sam, and some other kid with no name stashed up here. And I'll tear everything apart to find them."

"Whoa, what's going on?" Carly cried out, running down the stairs with Sam and Freddie.

"Oh!" Deadpool gasped out, relief washing over his entire body. "Oh, thank heaven you're okay!" Walking over to the three, the mercenary tightly hugged the gang. Tears streaming down his eyes, Wade screamed out in worried sorrow. "I...I thought I'd never see you again." Gently rubbing Freddie's soft hair, the man continued to wale. "I...I thought that guy killed you or raped you or...oh, it's just too terrible to think about!"

"Who are you?" Sam demanded.

"Oh," Deadpool replied, throwing himself off the trio. "I am Deadpool...I received your message on my computer, and I'm here to help."

"By beating up my brother?" Carly asked.

"By guest starring on iCarly!" Wade answered, throwing his pointer finger into the air. "Now...where's the studio? I'm itchin' in places you've never even _heard_ of!" The iCarly gang exchanged concerned, uneasy looks.

"I think we sent that e-mail to the wrong address," Freddie confessed. "We were trying to get Shelby Marx to come back."

"You mean...my journey...my destiny...my birth and conception...that message I read...they were all a lie?" Deadpool's words trembled out. "Oh...oh, god...oh, god!" Weeping and mumbling incoherently, the man lay down on the floor, tucked his knees up to his chest, and held them snugly in his arms. Rocking himself gently back on forth, Deadpool clenched his eyes shut.

"Um...Deadpool," Carly gently said, walking over to the trembling mass on her floor. "It's...it's okay." Setting her hand on Deadpool's shoulder, the girl felt her heart warming to him. "You...you can be on the show if you really want." Not moving from his fetal position, Wade placed his hand on Carly's, holding her gently for a moment.

"Oh, hell yeah!" Deadpool cried out, leaping into the air, his voice fully revived. "Let's rock." Running up the stairs, the costumed wonder charged by Sam and Freddie, and into the iCarly studio.

"...So, you know that guy?" Spencer asked, pulling himself up off the floor.

_After what felt like an eternity of waiting, I was joined by the three mysterious children who had summoned me from my sanctum._

"Where the hell've you three been?" Deadpool hollered. "We're five hours behind schedule! We can't just keep the people waiting. Now!...Which one of you is Carly?"

"I am," Carly answered, stepping forward.

"Why do we have to work with this idiot?" Sam groaned, turning to Carly.

"Come on," the brunette girl replied. "He seems like a really nice guy. Let's just give him a chance."

"He can't be as bad as Nevel," Freddie agreed.

"Okay, so for an opening, I think we should..." Deadpool began.

Censored for graphic content deemed inappropriate for citizens of all ages.

Carly, Freddie, and Sam tried to force down the vomit while their jaws attempted to close themselves. "I..." Carly choked out. "I don't think we can do that on the Internet. How about we do a new Cowboy and Idiot Farm Girl? Those are always fun."

"Okay," Deadpool answered. "What do I do?"

"Do you wanna help Freddie film us?" Carly offered.

"The last time I used a camera...people got hurt," Wade said, lowering his head in reverence. "I think I'd do better on-screen, yuh know?"

"No," Sam shot down the proposal. "How about you go back to hell where you came from."

"Sam," Carly scolded.

"Look," the blond fought back. "Either you kick him out of here, or I beat him to death." Deadpool snickered to himself. "...Whatter you laughing at?"

"It's just," Deadpool said in between giggles. "I doubt you could do anything to really hurt me."

"Oh no?" Sam replied, yanking the bumper off the prop car. "Try breathing after this." The young woman began pummeling the mercenary with the metal rod; repeatedly bashing in his skull. Then, throwing away the prop, Sam tackled Deadpool, pounding his stomach.

"That all you've got?" Wade asked. Back flipping out of Sam's range, the costumed figure pulled a large pistol out of one of his hidden pockets. The iCarly trio nervously stepped back. "Check this." Putting the gun to his head, Deadpool pulled the trigger, splattering his blood into the air, drenching the three teenagers. Silence filled the room.

"Please, no," Carly gasped.

"I...I killed him," Sam choked out, her heart pounding. "Maybe I was wrong about him."

"He wasn't such a bad guy," Freddie added.

"Psych!" Deadpool cried out, rising up with his hands in the air, receiving applause from an unseen audience. The gang's jaws dropped again. "Regenerative healing factor. Like I said, it takes alot to hurt me. I once fell asleep under a combine."

"So, you're like a...superhero?" Sam asked, growing fascinated with the angel or hero, whatever he was.

"You could say that," Wade answered, rotating the used bullet around in between his fingers. "I only do stuff for cash, though. I'm kind of a whore."

"Mercenary," Carly corrected.

"Right," Deadpool quickly threw in.

"Then why do you always wear that costume?" Freddie asked, wiping the blood off his face.

"Oh, to hide my hideous facial deformity," the mercenary answered, removing his mask. Carly turned away, and threw up in the corner of the room.

"I'm starting to like this guy," Sam declared. Pulling Deadpool closer to her, the blond young woman kissed his hideous, burned lips.

"Wow," Wade declared. "That's the first time _(that people know of) _I've ever kissed jailbait. Tastes like bacon." Sam chuckled to herself. "So, do you always have guest stars in these stories?"

"What?" the iCarly trio asked in harmony.

"In iCarly fan fiction?" Deadpool added, polishing one of his swords. "Didn't you notice that you're only around part time? That things just stop after a solution? That you're all different almost every freakin' day? You didn't catch that?"

_I mean, what the hell?_

"Who are you talking to?" Sam asked.

"Them," Deadpool answered, pointing to something just out of sight. "The readers...breaking the fourth wall's the only way to stay alive beyond the story you're in."

"This is crazy," Carly declared. "But I kind of like it."

"Yeah," Sam and Freddie agreed.

"You think _that's _crazy, check this out," the mercenary said, pulling out two massive guns, crossing his arms over one another, then firing off a round. The gang the...

Oh S# ! He just shot me! jokpollllllllllllllllll

"So...does that mean the story's over?" Deadpool asked.

"I think so," Carly answered.


End file.
